Ive almost been afraid of writing lately. Feeling myself and my good habits crumble I’m slipping out of being the person I was happy to be and with that I didn’t feel worthy of writing. Forgetting that’s the exact reason I started this blog in the first place, to work through my own shit in hopes to help others. My expectations of myself got too high and so my performance fell.
Expectations are funny in that if we keep them high we end up with a very depressing result. Disappointment plagues our lives as nothing meets what we expected them to be. We also have a tendency to have high expectations for ourselves and that’s a one way trip to sad town.
Now I’m not saying we should have low expectations, I’m saying we should have no expectations. See by having no expectations we allow things to be what they are and avoid plaguing ourselves with things not meeting the unrealistic outcomes we had created out of hope.
I want to make clear that there is a difference between expectations and standards. we should have a set of standards and strong boundaries that will create the base line of how you wish to be treated. expectations are the assumed outcome of any person or activity. see how one is helpful and the other is harmful?
Now I have held high expectations for most of my life which has led to a long road of disappointment and resentment towards my loved ones and myself. That is only harming me and my relationships. When we have no expectations we are happily surprised by the good that happens around us and not so let down when things don’t go well. its a win win.
The only way I have figured out how to do this is by reframing my thoughts, say I expect the dishes to be done when I get home, I might reframe my thoughts to “it would be Nice if the dishes were done, but its okay if they aren’t, everything’s fine and there is no rush”. Holding expectations for other people is messy and resentment ruins relationships, it’s also incredibly unrealistic to hold people to an invisible rule book held in our heads. So if we see how damaging that can be to our relationships why don’t we notice doing that to ourselves?
I want to be the best person I can be and that is my strongest goal, I want to help and support, provide the best care to the people around me. I want to write well and have good blog posts all the time that change perspectives and that I’m proud of. These are unrealistic expectations for myself, see I know I’m never going to be perfect and sometimes a blog post might be utter shit and everyone hates it. I’m restricting myself from doing something I love because I’m not perfect which really, is pretty silly, since I never will be.
So get ready for me to post more often with the rawness I intended in the beginning. get ready for some of my posts to suck. I hope my growth and experience helps you in whatever kind of way.
Im just a person trying to learn how to be a person, sometimes that’s messy and that’s okay. I hope that you can show yourself that kindness and give yourself a big stupid hug. cry about how shit you are but make sure you pat yourself on the back and just do your best to be better. I got this, you got this. Let’s give ourselves the space we need to be comfy with ourselves. tell your expectations to fuck off, just live.
Thank you for being on this journey with me, love and endless kindness.
KJ
Well Beings 