I struggle with unhealthy habits, have my whole life, from nicotine to laundry piles. Learning how to restructure the way I do things, creating healthier habits has helped me grow, align myself more accurately with my values and take the steps toward becoming the person aim to be.
The thought of changing something about yourself is already hard as it is. So the thought of creating a new habit, or breaking an unhealthy one, is overwhelming enough to never even start. So what if I told you it wasn’t anywhere near as hard as you thought?
Creating a new habit is as simple as becoming aware of what you want to start doing. Once you have that you can relate it to the person you wish to become, using this as your motivation. For example say I wanted to do yoga more often, I can then relate that to my values of patience, self-awareness, health and fitness. Then it’s as simple as making the choice to act upon it. In the book ‘Atomic Habits’ by James Clear he states there are four laws of behaviour change; 1. Make it obvious 2. Make it attractive 3. Make it easy and 4. Make it satisfying.
Since we form habits with repetition of this cycle; Cue (something that triggers the thought), Craving (the need to respond), Response (the action we take) and Reward (What we receive) you can relate those four laws of behaviour change to each stage in this cycle. You can reverse these four laws if your goal is to break a habit (1. make it invisible, 2. Make it unattractive, 3. Make it hard and 4. Make it unsatisfying).
Now back to the idea of starting yoga that’s our cue then you can use the way that aligns with your values as your craving. Response being the action of performing yoga and the reward being the way you feel or the step you’re taking to align with your values.
I have used this method to change many aspects about myself, (yoga was a real life example), even the small things like taking dishes to the kitchen or cleaning up after myself. Small steps lead to great change and so your habits can begin as a single step of the process.
Starting small creates the environment for a significant shift in behaviour. I have never been a very tidy or organised person but by slowly changing little aspects about that have helped me immensely. Being able to look at a room and decide what I needed to clean has never been a natural step for me, this would lead me to letting things get out of hand. Big mess is very overwhelming and creates unnecessary stress. The more stressed I feel, the likelihood of completing an overwhelming task decreases drastically. A self defeating cycle leading to low self esteem and depressive episodes.
It feels shit to be shit, in the eyes of your own values. Don’t mistake this for a bad thing! Feeling guilt is our brains way of telling us our actions aren’t aligning with our values, understanding this, is incredibly powerful. It allows us to use our guilt as a motivational tool, asking ourselves, “what action would better align me to my values in this moment”?
Essentially, when a ball is rolling it keeps rolling until a force interrupts it, right? Taking the initial step is always the hardest but it only gets easier from there. Allow yourself some compassion and some credit for taking that first step. It’s important to express patience and kindness while in the beginning stages of creating a new habit. It’s okay to forget sometimes and its okay to fuck up sometimes. Try and shift your mindset around that as being helpful in your learning process rather than a hindrance, as pissed off at yourself as you may be, don’t forget! You are trying, you’re figuring it out, you’re one step closer.
That’s all that matters, taking that step for yourself, Im so proud of you!
Show yourself some compassion, forgiveness and maybe even a lil hug! Be kind to each other and always to yourself! Peace and love 🙂
-KJ
(Written in support of myself and hopefully others)
Well Beings 